DO OR DO NOT, THERE IS NO TRY

I’ve got a ball cap that I got at Disney World a few years ago. It’s got a picture of Yoda with writing that says “DO OR DO NOT, THERE IS NO TRY”. I’ve always been reluctant to wear it. For one, an older man wearing a ball cap with Yoda on it just seems ... well, just seems a bit odd to me. The real reason though is that I’ve never really been a doer. I’ve always been a “tryer”. I’m going to try and spend more time in prayer and the Word, I’m going to try to break out of my shell, I’m going to try and show my love to people more, I’m going to try to do this, I’m going to try and do that and on and on. The problem is 9 times out of 10 trying doesn’t do it. Oh it may last a short time but eventually I fail. There is a difference between saying I’m going to try and I’m going to do. It’s not just a matter of semantics. It’s a subtle difference but a big one at the same time. Trying is just testing the water. Checking it out to make sure it’s not too cold. Doing on the other hand is diving right in. Sometimes it’s off the edge of the pool. Not too difficult. Other times it means diving off a terrifyingly high cliff. 

By the way, I’ve heard that actual cliff diving is a very exhilarating thing. For me, I think it’s  going to continue to be one of those “OR DO NOT” things. 

MOUNTAINTOPS & VALLEYS

 Mountaintops. I’m on one right now. Not a real mountaintop although I love the mountains. A spiritual and emotional mountaintop. We all experience them. At least I hope you have. They’re wonderful. The views you get of God are beyond description. The emotions? Joyful doesn’t even come close to describing them. So why is it so hard to stay there. Why doesn’t God just keep us there. Part of it is me. My emotions come and go. They’re undependable. They’re fickle. But I don’t think it’s just me. I don’t think God wants us to stay there. You see, there’s always another mountaintop off in the distance. One that’s higher and even more majestic than the one I’m on now. In order to get to that next mountaintop I’ll have to go through the valley in between. Sometimes those  valleys are beautiful and lush with life and rest. Sometimes they’re dry and barren.  I hate to admit it but too often the valleys I’ve went through have been of the dry and barren variety. I think I’ve come to realize that whether they are lush or barren is mostly up to me. It’s my choice how I respond to the valley. Do I plod through the valley letting my walk with my Dad dry up. Do I continue my walk with Him but do so grudgingly. Or do I continue to delight in a God who loves me so much He was willing to go to the cross for me. Oh, sometimes there are things we fear in the valleys. Sometimes the mountaintop we were just on casts dark shadows in the valleys and make it difficult to see that next mountaintop. 

I know that next valley is coming. But I think I’m looking forward to it this time. I know that my Father will hold onto my hand. It’s up to me to keep ahold of His.

SHOVELS AND HOLES

 I’ve thought about sharing my life, struggles, hopes, victories, failures and everything else in writing for years. As I mentioned earlier, it’s much easier for me to open myself up in writing. There is something about doing this that concerns me though. Am I just creating one more of those walls so I don’t really need to share my life directly with those around me. It’s very possible. That could be the result. I hope and pray God won’t allow me to do that. I know he will do his part but I also need to take an active roll in it. 

I recently saw a meme on Facebook that hit the nail on the head for me. It showed a man in a field leaning on a shovel. The caption read “God is in control, but He doesn’t expect you to lean on a shovel and pray for a hole”. Although our Daddy’s voice to us is primarily His Word, He can also speak to us through the world around us. And that meme spoke to me loud and clear. It was a reminder I needed. He has promised to be with me, to strengthen me, to protect me but I have a roll to play too. I need to be willing to do my part. I need to step out of my comfort zones trusting that He will do all those things even if I don’t “feel” it. Something I honestly have a great difficulty and fear in doing. But I’m trusting my Father, his Son and His Spirit to do their work in and through me.

May God bless you richly today. I need to go and start working on that hole.  

LABELS

 Labels. We all use them to some degree to explain ourselves. Seems like there’s an abundance of labels these days. Especially when it comes to “genders”. Often times we use labels to make our sin seem acceptable in some way. 

I have one label that I have used to build the biggest wall in my life. “Introvert”. Oh there’s nothing wrong with that label in itself. It’s totally neutral. It does much to describe a person’s personality. The problem is that I hide behind that label. I use it as an excuse. An excuse as to why I wait for others to reach out to me instead of me taking that first step. An excuse for not participating as much as I should in group discussions. There are a lot of things I use it as excuse for. Honestly, those things are true of introverts. It is hard for us to reach out. We have to toss thoughts around in our minds before we feel comfortable sharing them. The problem comes in when I use that as an excuse for not even trying. 

I was once in a management class that was dealing, at least in part, with personality types. One person, obviously an extrovert, shared a very strong opinion that introverts were just lazy. Believe me when I say I did not take that comment well. Being the introvert I am I didn’t say anything but I was fuming inside for days to come. I have to admit though that I have come to believe that he was not entirely wrong. A little arrogant, but not totally wrong. At least in my case. It’s gotten to the point in my life that it does have a lot to do with laziness. It’s hard to break through that wall. It takes effort. A lot of effort. After 70 years on this earth I’m tired. Tired of making the effort. I think I had given up. Sometimes though, it takes giving up before God can step in. Praise God, He is renewing my strength. Another wall I think, I hope, that He is beginning to break down.

QUIRKS & WALLS

 Quirks, little idiosyncrasies. We all have them. Some of us more than others. I have them. Probably the cause of some of the walls I’ve mentioned previously. My son has them. Seemingly a lot of them. We adopted him out of foster care. He had been seriously abused as an infant. At four years old we were his sixth foster home. Not a good beginning for anyone. He seemed to be wired a lot different than most of us but he seemed to embrace those differences. Even proud of them sometimes. Some people, knowing his past, embraced and loved him in spite of them. Others, not so much. Wish I could say I completely embraced him. I hate to admit that often it was hard. I think maybe some of the walls I’ve built around myself were to protect him.  And if I’m willing to admit it, myself. To keep him from feeling unloved by me. I’m sure, in some ways and at times it had the opposite effect. Unintentionally I think those walls also had an effect on my relationship with my wife and daughters. Those walls we build always have unintended consequences.

You see, that’s what walls do. They not only fool you into thinking that you are protected, but they keep those around you from knowing your love. Jericho was like that. They built a wall, a wall to protect themselves from anything and anyone. Or so they thought. Our God is mightier than any walls we could build. For His children, the children of His promise, He brought those walls down. I think I’m seeing that in my own life. I think the walls are beginning to crumble. He may bring them crashing down all at once or, for my sanity, He may have to bring them down one stone at a time. But he’s begun the process and I can hear the trumpets blowing.

By the way, my son I mentioned? He had a mental health breakdown in the Army. Not surprising based on his past. In spite of that he’s proud of his service and he’s doing great and my love for him and my relationship with him are growing each day. I’m even learning to appreciate his quirks.

CONVERSATIONS

 I have to admit I’m not much of a conversationalist. My wife on the other hand was great at starting conversations. Years ago we headed up a singles ministry at our church. Each new person needed to endure her extensive line of questioning. We use to joke that she could be the next Oprah. Me...well I just never am able to think of anything other than the basics. Even then my mind often goes blank. I think that’s another reason for one of those walls I’ve mentioned.

 I’ve always considered prayer to be a conversation but more often than not, it seems pretty one sided. This morning I had a conversation with God. An actual two-sided conversation. It was awesome to say the least. In talking with Dad, I told him I know emotions are fleeting but that I never again wanted to lose this joy I’ve been experiencing in my walk with Him. That he would not let me let loose of his hand. I’m in the last decades of my life and I don’t want to waste the time I have left. For all I know, I may have even less time left than that. That was my side of the conversation. This was Dad’s side of the conversation as I read His word.

“He will not let your foot be moved; he who keeps you will not slumber.”                                              Psalm‬ ‭121‬:‭3‬ ‭ESV‬‬

“The Lord will keep your going out and your coming in from this time forth and forevermore.”           Psalm‬ ‭121‬:‭8‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Coincidence that I should just happen to read those words this morning. I don’t think so.

WALLS

Walls. Just like Jericho we tend to build walls around ourselves. I’ve built plenty of them. Too many to count. Huge, thick walls that often won’t let anything in or out. I remember sitting in my doctor’s office not long after I had my triple bypass surgery. He asked about stress in my life. Well, I’ve always been proud of the fact that I handle stress really well. At least that’s what I had convinced myself of. I have to admit that my wife’s response to the doctor was right on. “He really just stuffs it”.  Since she went home to Jesus, I’ve come to admit to myself that I really don’t handle stress that well. I build walls instead. Thick walls. Walls meant to keep anything and anybody out. And to keep all of my insecurities, fears, and secret sins from being seen. 

I’ve been praying for a while now that God would break down those walls. I think he’s starting to answer those prayers. I had tears for the first time in a long time during my time with Him this morning. Not all out waterworks. Just very damp eyes but tears nonetheless. Tears of joy. Tears from feeling a burden lifted. Tears from feeling his presence.  I think the walls are beginning to come down. At least that’s my continued prayer. 

As a side note, I think I heard from the Holy Spirit today. I think in response to my comment yesterday that He sometimes seams to be just an “honorable mention” when it comes to the trinity. He’s the one helping me to put these thoughts down on paper. Maybe I’ll share more about that another day.

ABBA

I've been thinking a lot about the Father lately and who he is and just who each member of the Trinity is. I think I've come to the conclusion that I've always, unconsciously, considered the Father the strict, stiff, disciplinarian and Jesus is the loving, caring brother that protects me from the Father’s wrath and then there’s the Holy Spirit. I don't know. The Holy Spirit is just there, maybe kind of like the participant that just gets an honorable mention.

I’m starting to get a fresh view of the Father. Yes, his wrath is fearsome and he hates sin and disobedience, but he also sent his only Son, Jesus, because of His huge love for us. I guess I’m starting to see Him more as Abba (daddy) and it’s starting to bring a whole new dimension to our relationship.